Costa Flight

I leave tonight. I am all packed and concerned that I have forgotten something, and my stomach is in knots...

I have one last lunch at La Siesta with my mom and real dad -Jim dad- ugh, how will I ever find a polite way to differentiate?!

I can tell that my mom is sad I am leaving, whether it is a genuine - she will miss me or sad about the life she missed out on when she chose dad Terry instead - I may never know.. but she is sad.

My family - or part of my family I should say arrived at the airport hoarding all of our bags. We sat down and had some pizza while waiting for our midnight red-eye flight. The boy called me, and I answered sadly, knowing this is going to be rough and say goodbye.

We board the plane and I am sitting next to my sister Moriah - I force my eyes shut and squeeze out a tear as I quickly fall asleep..

When I wake up for the hundredth time, the flight attendants are pushing the breakfast carts down the aisles with delicious waffles topped with berries. I have a stomach ache, head ache and incredibly swollen feet that I am forcing into my favorite boat inspired loafer-like Vans as we land in El Salvador.

A lone bird - see... alone again - is trapped inside the airport and I take sympathy for the poor creature as I feel my heart ripping in two..

We land in Costa Rica and I laugh when I wake up to an annoyed Moriah who was stuck chatting with a guy at the left of her while I hid under my sweatshirt hood trying to calm my nerves.

IT IS HOT!!! Way too hot! The air is thick and I choke on its moistness. A volcano had errupted on the other side of CR, but there is no concern as we load up the car and head home to be greeted by a million waiting animals.

I crawl into bed tonight and anxiously waited for myself to panic. Alone. I'm in a jungle in Costa Rica at my family's house, yet I feel so incredibly alone... again. The jungle sings to me as I close my eyes remembering what it was like to be in his arms, anything but alone, feeling completely adored and safe..

The jungle sings to me in its quiet shrill.. the animals and insects of the night calling to each other, for fear of being.. alone.