Shouldn't Care..

So, let me tell you a little story about my last relationship. I dated this guy, for a good 10 months officially and we had decided to move in together. Lets call him T. Well I trusted T with my whole life. I thought that I loved him and I have a hard time trusting people, and after awhile, I began to let myself trust him.

WHAT A MISTAKE!

T and I went to a friends for a party. This was a good friend of both of ours, and I had no reason for concern about leaving him there, drunk. I had an event at school the next morning that I had to work, and it was a huge event for me, very important, and at 5 am... So I left him there, which I had done so many times - because I TRUSTED him. But before I left, in came this girl, and immediately I had a bad feeling. I warned him about her, saying she keeps trying to come on to him (which she was!) and to be careful around her. He said I was paranoid. I said I was right.

Not only was I right about her, I was wrong about him.

Later, I found out this was one of the many girls he cheated on me with. It broke me. I went down a long road of bad decisions for awhile after. But one of the girls in particular, who in the beginning I had a bad feeling about as well - lets call her H - was a big part in our fights at times. I knew that they had a history, and I knew that in the beginning of him and I, that T and H had hooked up several times.

Uhm.. HELLO?! Is anyone in there?! DUH! That should of been a big warning sign right there...

But that was when we weren't "officially dating" and that was his argument. So I dealt with it.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Well, one year after our break up. T and H are "officially" dating. Talk about a stab in the heart.

I know I shouldn't care, I know I am happier and better off without him, however, it is still hurtful to find out that of the many girls T had cheated on me with, that he got with the only one I actually knew about to begin with and felt threatened by - H. Makes me wonder how many times he actually cheated on me with her, when we were together. Makes me wonder why he kept me around if he wanted to cheat on me with her.

Anyways, here I am, single and 22 years old, trying to not let it get to me. I think I have lost all faith in love, trust, honesty, and men. Right now I am crazy about this one guy, but I can't figure out what the deal is. He wants me to see him, he says he misses me, misses my kisses and laying with me relaxing. But then he will go days without talking to me. The unfortunate thing about this is we are not exactly in a close proximity to each other. He doesn't do long distance, and neither do I. However, I would try it for him.

I think I'm wasting my heart again. I hope I'm wrong. I want to be wrong.