Wasted Time with Jane Eyre and Housework

Waking up at 5:30 am with absolutely nothing to do for the day is really beginning to drive me crazy. I'm only on day 5 of being home in the states...

I spent my day with Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, imagining my life elsewhere. I did 7 loads of laundry for my mom - helping her catch up - she has been really busy and isn't quite moved in to the new place so I also cleaned the kitchen and all the floors in the house. I also made my first pot roast - and I think I did pretty good! Bored, you ask? Yes.

I am ready to get out, move on, start my life over. But you never can start your life over, you can change your life any day you want. It is just hard taking that first step, wondering if it will be the right one, if you will regret it later.

For some reason, any time I make plans, they fail. I don't know what it is. I must be making the wrong plans, but everything has to work out for the best. Doesn't it?! I hope so.

So, I am planning on moving back to Colorado, find a job, a place to live and finish school. Hopefully this plan works! I only have 22 credits left to finish.. However, it is much harder then it sounds. I owe the school $10,000, and have no means of paying for school in the fall. My family is trying to find a way to help me out, but I don't know if it will happen. Either way, I am not happy here in California. Not right now at least. I love the city I live in, and how I'm just right here at the beach, but I don't have friends here. All the girls I grew up with, have moved away, gone into drugs or become pregnant. Hmm.. Doesn't sound like the greatest choices I have to pick from.

So instead, I am with my family. I hang out with my sisters - which is okay, but I can't go out dancing or grab drinks with them. I have my mom, who I love, but she is currently dating and moving on with her life. That leaves me here, at home, wishing I was elsewhere.

I am sick of being here and wasting away my life.