Costa Rica Recap

Some mornings I wake to screaming monkeys, sometimes to fighting wild turkeys, or singing macaws.  I do love the wildlife - even when it disturbs my sleep. Or.. get chased or jumped at by the monkeys. That is always fun - as I run off screaming in tears!

We have gone surfing, and swimming and ziplining and floated down the river and ridden ATVs and so much more. This trip was great even though I spent half of it nursing my aching shoulder. We went on horseback rides, went to friends dinner parties. It was really, really a fun trip. Dad played jokes and the kids and I bonded and had a blast. We watched SO many movies, as they don't have cable. We go down to the DVD place and almost watched a new movie every night. Of course, we spent our Sunday afternoons watching football games in an air-conditioned bar!

My favorite part about this trip was getting to sit on the back of the jet ski while watching my dad, his friend Charlie, a camp kid Bret and my brother James do tow-ins to the huge waves! Oh how incredible that was! These huge thundering waves building as they quietly make their way down the wave, peacefully.

I love the food here. Ah, how delicious is the fish and the fruit! I could eat this everyday! In fact, I think that I did! Along with a few sweets here and there... mmm gelato...

Saying goodbye to my family was sad and I was pretty surprised about how real my emotions were for this family that is still really new to me.  I almost cried - I truly love them with all of my heart.

I had a few "self-improvement" thoughts when I was out there.. Such as language classes while in Italy, how beneficial that would be! Maybe, I can make some friends in the city that way. Also, I have a book idea.. but, I will save that idea for myself as I work on it this year.. :) I will keep you posted. I promise.

I did battle myself quite often. I think of him often, especially when I'm alone at night. I worry about Italy and what I am going to do with my life. I have so much to figure out. Should it really be this tough? My friend in Colorado had her mother pass away, I broke down and called my mommy crying and telling her how much I loved her. My heart broke for them that day. I still hurt for them.

My mind is often my prison where self-torture is more often then not.. its unfortunate. Somedays I hate myself. I have so much in this life that is at my fingertips. I can live the life. But I don't. It's almost like I refuse to allow myself the pleasure of living. All I feel is - alone.

I have the world in my palms.

Costa Flight

I leave tonight. I am all packed and concerned that I have forgotten something, and my stomach is in knots...

I have one last lunch at La Siesta with my mom and real dad -Jim dad- ugh, how will I ever find a polite way to differentiate?!

I can tell that my mom is sad I am leaving, whether it is a genuine - she will miss me or sad about the life she missed out on when she chose dad Terry instead - I may never know.. but she is sad.

My family - or part of my family I should say arrived at the airport hoarding all of our bags. We sat down and had some pizza while waiting for our midnight red-eye flight. The boy called me, and I answered sadly, knowing this is going to be rough and say goodbye.

We board the plane and I am sitting next to my sister Moriah - I force my eyes shut and squeeze out a tear as I quickly fall asleep..

When I wake up for the hundredth time, the flight attendants are pushing the breakfast carts down the aisles with delicious waffles topped with berries. I have a stomach ache, head ache and incredibly swollen feet that I am forcing into my favorite boat inspired loafer-like Vans as we land in El Salvador.

A lone bird - see... alone again - is trapped inside the airport and I take sympathy for the poor creature as I feel my heart ripping in two..

We land in Costa Rica and I laugh when I wake up to an annoyed Moriah who was stuck chatting with a guy at the left of her while I hid under my sweatshirt hood trying to calm my nerves.

IT IS HOT!!! Way too hot! The air is thick and I choke on its moistness. A volcano had errupted on the other side of CR, but there is no concern as we load up the car and head home to be greeted by a million waiting animals.

I crawl into bed tonight and anxiously waited for myself to panic. Alone. I'm in a jungle in Costa Rica at my family's house, yet I feel so incredibly alone... again. The jungle sings to me as I close my eyes remembering what it was like to be in his arms, anything but alone, feeling completely adored and safe..

The jungle sings to me in its quiet shrill.. the animals and insects of the night calling to each other, for fear of being.. alone.

Leaving Tomorrow

New Years :)

Ah, a new year, a new me. Right? Isn't that how its supposed to be?

New Years Goals for 2010:
1. Travel - Enjoy the world
2. Write - Express to remember, forget, and learn
3. Speak - Learn a new language
4. Play - Pick up a guitar
5. Learn - Finish college

I had the most WONDERFUL New Years, ever. I drove up to the mountains to see this guy I am crazy about, and got there around 8pm. The first thing I did was kiss him. We shared several last kisses of 2009 and stole away for some last private moments of 2009. Holding my glass of champagne in one hand, and his hand in the other, pressing myself close to him and resting my cheek on his shoulder, we count down the last seconds of 2009. Friends around us cheered each other, high-fived and hugged while we shared our first kiss of the new year.

I couldn't be happier then to spend these special moments with him. We smiled and kissed the rest of the night until we returned to his room, happy, giggling, and playing around. We started the year in the best kinds of ways.. 4 times ;) I am head over heels for this boy. I am going to miss him.

The next morning, he left to work and I left to ring in the new year snowboarding with my family - slightly hungover. While on the lift, I got a text from him - and I couldn't stop smiling. It simply said, "Would you like to go on a date with me tonight???"

I melted. This would be our first date, the first day of the year. Cute... We had dinner and saw Sherlock Holmes, and I fell asleep in his arms..

Perfect first day.