Repairs.. why must EVERYTHING need repairs?!?

Lately, everything in my life has seemed to be needing repairs. It is so frustrating!

First, my truck. I have this gigantic cracked windshield that zigs and zags across my view, teasing me while I drive. Oh, and there's that "Check Engine" light that is always on, and the HUGE dent my front bumper when I let a friend borrow my truck so he could move to his new place, while it was snowing... hmm.. where DID that huge $3,000.00 dent come from?!

Then there's my computer! I had to bring my little MacBook into the Apple Store today, and of course, while sitting there moping about my broken computer - I came up with today's blog idea.. REPAIRS!! Meanwhile, my computer, which has a broken built-in camera, the dvd drive stopped working, parts of the laptop have chipped off, and of course, it has become slower then molasses! So... bye bye MacBook, bye bye $280.00 in repairs... hopefully it works 100% when I get it next week!

And of course, my life is in constant need of repair. My credit has gone down the drain and it seems that no matter how much I try to improve it, it stays the same. School keeps getting put on the back burner because I cannot afford it, but I keep trying, keep pushing on, even if its one class.

Lastly, there's my heart. I don't know how to fix this one, but I am trying. I miss people I care about, I care for people who don't exactly care for me, I have a huge family but I am so alone. They don't understand me and don't even try. I am a stranger to them. A stranger who drops everything to help them. They have their own inside jokes, and secret bonds. So there's this broken-hearted girl, a girl who hurts when she forces a smile. A girl who forgets that she used to be happy, a jokester, full of life.

A girl that is me.

Ok... its been too long!

I cannot believe a month has gone by and I haven't posted!

I've been so crazy busy with my oh so lovely life... ha..

Well, let me fill you in on some things, I am now working two jobs - Sales and Keyholder at Massage Envy Spa in San Clemente and as Project Administrator at Jones Concrete, along with taking online classes at *ugh* Saddleback College... I am ashamed that I am there, but what can I do?

My current situation sucks. I am bitter and sad more often then not. I have resorted to pumpkin bread chocolate chip cookies (even more delicious than you can imagine) and key lime pie sorbets... but I am running 3-4 times a week, lucky for my jeans! Speaking of which, I have started seeing a nutritionist because I want to be a healthier eater. No more frozen foods, processed foods, etc, yet here I am dreaming about tasty cookies and ice creams, and oh, I just ate some chocolate licorice. When I look at my "food diary" I literally want to smack myself across the face, because my nutritionist - who I have a meeting with tomorrow - she is going to want to choke me!

Since I have no idea if my family is going to pull through for my last semester at CSU, I have been looking for places to stay for the meantime. No more staying in mom's sunroom! I just can't take living at home anymore. Its not like I have boys over, ever. Or even do anything outside of work and school for that matter, but when I come home to my mother's and hide away in the sunroom, it is not nearly the sanctuary I seek after a long day working.

So, my friends Melissa, Sam and I put in an application last Friday on a 3 bedroom duplex with an ocean view and a stones throw to the beach. We should hear back early this week, and I can't decide if I am happy or sad about it. Happy to be moving out, sure, but sad that I don't know what I am going to be doing by August - when school starts. To be honest, I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore, I don't think I ever really did.

I have really been slacking on some of my goals as well, I haven't been writing, and like I had said, I have two books in progress and a third in my mind. I haven't been learning any new languages, or learning to play the guitar like I want. But the one consistent goal I seem to have is travel. I have travelled a lot this year. Costa Rica in January, Italy in February and several Mammoth trips to visit a friend.

Trips I have for the summer include: Vegas in June for my best friend, Jessica's bachelorette party! Mexico - where I have NEVER been - in July with my friends Robert and Anton, and several of their buddies. Costa Rica, again, in August for my father's big "1980's High School Reunion" week of surfing, live bands and a bunch of fun.

Hallmark Holiday

Ooh how I dislike February 14. Reminding me of just how alone I am. How I will not be kissing a loved one. How I will not be receiving flowers. Thank you Hallmark. Where's the Singles holiday?

Well Happy Single's Awareness Day! Cupid forgot me! 

My mom and I - alone as we both are - went and had fish tacos and saw "Valentine's Day" which, despite the title, was very cute and funny. I did enjoy it. 

I am leaving for Italy in two days.  Time has flown.