WITWW!?!?!

It's Wednesday and that means it's time for my feature, Where In The World Wednesday!

If you participate, please take the button the fabulous Feris made to use in your post!
The idea of WITWW is to post a picture of you in someplace in the world...it doesn't have to be somewhere foreign or tropical. Just a picture of you somewhere that you consider traveling. It might even be somewhere in your own hometown! Feel free to get creative and post where you WISH you could travel, old scanned pictures of vacations from years ago or even feel free to repeat a destination with different photos! Get creative.

So, since I am currently missing my family in Costa Rica, I decided it was going to be my WITWW for this week! Here are some pictures for you to enjoy of my stays in Playa Hermosa, Costa Rica - where my father, step-mother, brother and sister currently reside. I only get to go down there once or twice a year. At the moment, I could definitely use a escape visit to them! 

Surf's up :) 

Ok... its been too long!

I cannot believe a month has gone by and I haven't posted!

I've been so crazy busy with my oh so lovely life... ha..

Well, let me fill you in on some things, I am now working two jobs - Sales and Keyholder at Massage Envy Spa in San Clemente and as Project Administrator at Jones Concrete, along with taking online classes at *ugh* Saddleback College... I am ashamed that I am there, but what can I do?

My current situation sucks. I am bitter and sad more often then not. I have resorted to pumpkin bread chocolate chip cookies (even more delicious than you can imagine) and key lime pie sorbets... but I am running 3-4 times a week, lucky for my jeans! Speaking of which, I have started seeing a nutritionist because I want to be a healthier eater. No more frozen foods, processed foods, etc, yet here I am dreaming about tasty cookies and ice creams, and oh, I just ate some chocolate licorice. When I look at my "food diary" I literally want to smack myself across the face, because my nutritionist - who I have a meeting with tomorrow - she is going to want to choke me!

Since I have no idea if my family is going to pull through for my last semester at CSU, I have been looking for places to stay for the meantime. No more staying in mom's sunroom! I just can't take living at home anymore. Its not like I have boys over, ever. Or even do anything outside of work and school for that matter, but when I come home to my mother's and hide away in the sunroom, it is not nearly the sanctuary I seek after a long day working.

So, my friends Melissa, Sam and I put in an application last Friday on a 3 bedroom duplex with an ocean view and a stones throw to the beach. We should hear back early this week, and I can't decide if I am happy or sad about it. Happy to be moving out, sure, but sad that I don't know what I am going to be doing by August - when school starts. To be honest, I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore, I don't think I ever really did.

I have really been slacking on some of my goals as well, I haven't been writing, and like I had said, I have two books in progress and a third in my mind. I haven't been learning any new languages, or learning to play the guitar like I want. But the one consistent goal I seem to have is travel. I have travelled a lot this year. Costa Rica in January, Italy in February and several Mammoth trips to visit a friend.

Trips I have for the summer include: Vegas in June for my best friend, Jessica's bachelorette party! Mexico - where I have NEVER been - in July with my friends Robert and Anton, and several of their buddies. Costa Rica, again, in August for my father's big "1980's High School Reunion" week of surfing, live bands and a bunch of fun.

HOLY CRAP ITS MARCH?!?!

WHOA!! Where did the time go? I cannot believe it is already March. Well.. I better start working harder on my New Year's Resolutions.. Well I have been a little bit..

Lets recap those goals..

1. Travel - Enjoy the world
2. Write - Express to remember, forget and learn
3. Speak - Learn a new language
4. Play - Pick up a guitar
5. Learn - Finish College

Yes, it is already March and I have visited 2 countries, Costa Rica and Italy. So I have been faithful to Goal 1. It is early in the year, maybe I will have more traveling. I know I will be moving back to Colorado and going to Las Vegas for a weekend for my best friend's bachelorette party! So that is some travel...

I have been writing on a regular basis. I write here in my blog, in my pretty pink journal, and I am trying to work on two very different books. Goal 2: We are doing well :)

Speak... yikes this is a hard one for me, but I have been learning some Italian. Some days it is slow, others it comes easy. I can understand a lot more than I can respond! So Goal 3 - we have some work to do..

Now, Goals 4 and 5 - I have not even touched yet. I have thought about them, but haven't exactly done anything about it yet. Time to get crackin!

Hopefully I will have an idea about Goal 5 by the end of March. Hey, thats my March goal! Haha..

Quick Last Visit

I had a short time between my trip from Costa Rica and to Italy, and I wanted to see him. So I left to the mountains and was in his arms again, after I stupidly acted all nervous and silly, but I was back and I am happy. I won't go through all the details - I like to keep some memories for myself ;)

This boy makes me smile - I'm hopeless. I am going to get hurt. I always do, but is this fun I have with him worth the hurt? I think so.. at least for now I do.. It is so easy to be with him, I can laugh, smile and play, but for some reason, I just cannot trust myself with him. I don't think I could take another heart break.

I love being in his arms, we relax, watching movies, kissing and cuddling. We hold each other as we joke and smile. I press my face to his chest as he wraps his arms around me. I shut my eyes memorizing the way his hand feels on my skin while the other is entwined in my fingers.

Remembering him.. because - I may never see him again.

Costa Rica Recap

Some mornings I wake to screaming monkeys, sometimes to fighting wild turkeys, or singing macaws.  I do love the wildlife - even when it disturbs my sleep. Or.. get chased or jumped at by the monkeys. That is always fun - as I run off screaming in tears!

We have gone surfing, and swimming and ziplining and floated down the river and ridden ATVs and so much more. This trip was great even though I spent half of it nursing my aching shoulder. We went on horseback rides, went to friends dinner parties. It was really, really a fun trip. Dad played jokes and the kids and I bonded and had a blast. We watched SO many movies, as they don't have cable. We go down to the DVD place and almost watched a new movie every night. Of course, we spent our Sunday afternoons watching football games in an air-conditioned bar!

My favorite part about this trip was getting to sit on the back of the jet ski while watching my dad, his friend Charlie, a camp kid Bret and my brother James do tow-ins to the huge waves! Oh how incredible that was! These huge thundering waves building as they quietly make their way down the wave, peacefully.

I love the food here. Ah, how delicious is the fish and the fruit! I could eat this everyday! In fact, I think that I did! Along with a few sweets here and there... mmm gelato...

Saying goodbye to my family was sad and I was pretty surprised about how real my emotions were for this family that is still really new to me.  I almost cried - I truly love them with all of my heart.

I had a few "self-improvement" thoughts when I was out there.. Such as language classes while in Italy, how beneficial that would be! Maybe, I can make some friends in the city that way. Also, I have a book idea.. but, I will save that idea for myself as I work on it this year.. :) I will keep you posted. I promise.

I did battle myself quite often. I think of him often, especially when I'm alone at night. I worry about Italy and what I am going to do with my life. I have so much to figure out. Should it really be this tough? My friend in Colorado had her mother pass away, I broke down and called my mommy crying and telling her how much I loved her. My heart broke for them that day. I still hurt for them.

My mind is often my prison where self-torture is more often then not.. its unfortunate. Somedays I hate myself. I have so much in this life that is at my fingertips. I can live the life. But I don't. It's almost like I refuse to allow myself the pleasure of living. All I feel is - alone.

I have the world in my palms.

Costa Flight

I leave tonight. I am all packed and concerned that I have forgotten something, and my stomach is in knots...

I have one last lunch at La Siesta with my mom and real dad -Jim dad- ugh, how will I ever find a polite way to differentiate?!

I can tell that my mom is sad I am leaving, whether it is a genuine - she will miss me or sad about the life she missed out on when she chose dad Terry instead - I may never know.. but she is sad.

My family - or part of my family I should say arrived at the airport hoarding all of our bags. We sat down and had some pizza while waiting for our midnight red-eye flight. The boy called me, and I answered sadly, knowing this is going to be rough and say goodbye.

We board the plane and I am sitting next to my sister Moriah - I force my eyes shut and squeeze out a tear as I quickly fall asleep..

When I wake up for the hundredth time, the flight attendants are pushing the breakfast carts down the aisles with delicious waffles topped with berries. I have a stomach ache, head ache and incredibly swollen feet that I am forcing into my favorite boat inspired loafer-like Vans as we land in El Salvador.

A lone bird - see... alone again - is trapped inside the airport and I take sympathy for the poor creature as I feel my heart ripping in two..

We land in Costa Rica and I laugh when I wake up to an annoyed Moriah who was stuck chatting with a guy at the left of her while I hid under my sweatshirt hood trying to calm my nerves.

IT IS HOT!!! Way too hot! The air is thick and I choke on its moistness. A volcano had errupted on the other side of CR, but there is no concern as we load up the car and head home to be greeted by a million waiting animals.

I crawl into bed tonight and anxiously waited for myself to panic. Alone. I'm in a jungle in Costa Rica at my family's house, yet I feel so incredibly alone... again. The jungle sings to me as I close my eyes remembering what it was like to be in his arms, anything but alone, feeling completely adored and safe..

The jungle sings to me in its quiet shrill.. the animals and insects of the night calling to each other, for fear of being.. alone.

Leaving Tomorrow