I haven't blogged in weeks...

Where do i even start?

So in the past two weeks I have up and moved to Colorado :) and moved in with my best friend and her fiance over at Littmssunshine... Surprised her for her college graduation.. Got a new job quickly at another Massage Envy (woohoo for me) and now we are getting the keys to our new apartment tomorrow!

But thats just the sugar coating.. between the roller coaster of where we were going to stay and the on-going boy drama in my life.. oh and the McDonalds splurging and.. oh boy, hot fudge sundae AND three chocolate cookies today... I have been stressing.


So please forgive me, I am currently at a loss of words.

Plus... its Monday.

Shouldn't Care..

So, let me tell you a little story about my last relationship. I dated this guy, for a good 10 months officially and we had decided to move in together. Lets call him T. Well I trusted T with my whole life. I thought that I loved him and I have a hard time trusting people, and after awhile, I began to let myself trust him.

WHAT A MISTAKE!

T and I went to a friends for a party. This was a good friend of both of ours, and I had no reason for concern about leaving him there, drunk. I had an event at school the next morning that I had to work, and it was a huge event for me, very important, and at 5 am... So I left him there, which I had done so many times - because I TRUSTED him. But before I left, in came this girl, and immediately I had a bad feeling. I warned him about her, saying she keeps trying to come on to him (which she was!) and to be careful around her. He said I was paranoid. I said I was right.

Not only was I right about her, I was wrong about him.

Later, I found out this was one of the many girls he cheated on me with. It broke me. I went down a long road of bad decisions for awhile after. But one of the girls in particular, who in the beginning I had a bad feeling about as well - lets call her H - was a big part in our fights at times. I knew that they had a history, and I knew that in the beginning of him and I, that T and H had hooked up several times.

Uhm.. HELLO?! Is anyone in there?! DUH! That should of been a big warning sign right there...

But that was when we weren't "officially dating" and that was his argument. So I dealt with it.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Well, one year after our break up. T and H are "officially" dating. Talk about a stab in the heart.

I know I shouldn't care, I know I am happier and better off without him, however, it is still hurtful to find out that of the many girls T had cheated on me with, that he got with the only one I actually knew about to begin with and felt threatened by - H. Makes me wonder how many times he actually cheated on me with her, when we were together. Makes me wonder why he kept me around if he wanted to cheat on me with her.

Anyways, here I am, single and 22 years old, trying to not let it get to me. I think I have lost all faith in love, trust, honesty, and men. Right now I am crazy about this one guy, but I can't figure out what the deal is. He wants me to see him, he says he misses me, misses my kisses and laying with me relaxing. But then he will go days without talking to me. The unfortunate thing about this is we are not exactly in a close proximity to each other. He doesn't do long distance, and neither do I. However, I would try it for him.

I think I'm wasting my heart again. I hope I'm wrong. I want to be wrong.

Quick Last Visit

I had a short time between my trip from Costa Rica and to Italy, and I wanted to see him. So I left to the mountains and was in his arms again, after I stupidly acted all nervous and silly, but I was back and I am happy. I won't go through all the details - I like to keep some memories for myself ;)

This boy makes me smile - I'm hopeless. I am going to get hurt. I always do, but is this fun I have with him worth the hurt? I think so.. at least for now I do.. It is so easy to be with him, I can laugh, smile and play, but for some reason, I just cannot trust myself with him. I don't think I could take another heart break.

I love being in his arms, we relax, watching movies, kissing and cuddling. We hold each other as we joke and smile. I press my face to his chest as he wraps his arms around me. I shut my eyes memorizing the way his hand feels on my skin while the other is entwined in my fingers.

Remembering him.. because - I may never see him again.

Leaving Tomorrow

New Years :)

Ah, a new year, a new me. Right? Isn't that how its supposed to be?

New Years Goals for 2010:
1. Travel - Enjoy the world
2. Write - Express to remember, forget, and learn
3. Speak - Learn a new language
4. Play - Pick up a guitar
5. Learn - Finish college

I had the most WONDERFUL New Years, ever. I drove up to the mountains to see this guy I am crazy about, and got there around 8pm. The first thing I did was kiss him. We shared several last kisses of 2009 and stole away for some last private moments of 2009. Holding my glass of champagne in one hand, and his hand in the other, pressing myself close to him and resting my cheek on his shoulder, we count down the last seconds of 2009. Friends around us cheered each other, high-fived and hugged while we shared our first kiss of the new year.

I couldn't be happier then to spend these special moments with him. We smiled and kissed the rest of the night until we returned to his room, happy, giggling, and playing around. We started the year in the best kinds of ways.. 4 times ;) I am head over heels for this boy. I am going to miss him.

The next morning, he left to work and I left to ring in the new year snowboarding with my family - slightly hungover. While on the lift, I got a text from him - and I couldn't stop smiling. It simply said, "Would you like to go on a date with me tonight???"

I melted. This would be our first date, the first day of the year. Cute... We had dinner and saw Sherlock Holmes, and I fell asleep in his arms..

Perfect first day.