I haven't blogged in weeks...

Where do i even start?

So in the past two weeks I have up and moved to Colorado :) and moved in with my best friend and her fiance over at Littmssunshine... Surprised her for her college graduation.. Got a new job quickly at another Massage Envy (woohoo for me) and now we are getting the keys to our new apartment tomorrow!

But thats just the sugar coating.. between the roller coaster of where we were going to stay and the on-going boy drama in my life.. oh and the McDonalds splurging and.. oh boy, hot fudge sundae AND three chocolate cookies today... I have been stressing.


So please forgive me, I am currently at a loss of words.

Plus... its Monday.

Top Ten {Tuesday} Moments...

My Top Ten for the week :)
Moments...

1. Sitting on the beach with a loved one, sharing kisses in the silence while the waves crash on the shore.
2. Laughing until my cheeks burn with my best friend. 
3. The sound of rain dancing on the pavement while I laugh and play in the rain.
4. Sitting around a fire with friends.. intoxicated of cours
5. Watching fireworks explode as my heart swells with excitement.
6. Lightning storms that take out the power and force us to be in candle light.
7. Missing someone who misses me as well.
8. Rough housing with the boys, and actually kicking their butts :)
9. Realizing that I've accomplished goals larger then I had imagined.
10. The feeling of loss, because it means that I had actually cared.

Helpless Saturday....

I have never felt so scared.


I showed up to work at 730, and was going to be the only one there until about 845, so I go about my opening duties, making sure everything is in order, cash is counted, and the spa is ready. When 8am rolls around, I unlock the doors and await for customers to come in. The first scheduled massage wasn't until 9am, so I was munching on my breakfast of an egg white, spinach and feta cheese breakfast wrap, just passing the time.

And then he showed up.

No, not the appointment... but the bum.

I caught my breath as my stomach hit the floor, I prayed that he would just continue to walk by - instead, he caught my eye and smiled. I smelled the stench before he was in my face. Leaves poked through the mass of brown curly hair, and white foam was drying around his mouth.

He looked at me, and I saw his vomit covered hands, his fingernails an inch long. His eyes were shifty and he asked, "Can I use your bathroom?" Of course, being the only one here, I inched my chair over to the register and held my shaking hand over the panic button, there was no way I was going to let him use our bathroom. I responded, "No sir, I am sorry but we do not have a restroom here."

That is when his vomit covered hand went inside his dirt covered coat and out came a rusty knife. His ice blue eyes bore into mine as he asked if I was sure we didn't have a bathroom. I didn't budge, no we do not (of course, we have three and a shower!).

"How much for a massage from you, blondie?" He made a inappropriate gesture as he asked.

I kept my mouth shut. My stomach was in knots, and I didn't know what to do. That's when the therapist walked in for her shift. She was shocked, and sat down next to me, not knowing what else to do, tears formed in my eyes as I was afraid as to what was going to happen next, and a combination of relief that I was no longer alone with him and guilt that the therapist was put in this situation.

He muttered to himself, eyes shifting, touching things with his dirty hands, his long fingernails scraping against the counter. He put the knife back in his pocket, and walked back outside after saying, "I'll see you later blondie." He stopped outside the doors as they slammed shut and waved.

I ran to the door and locked it, the therapist calling the police.

I cried. I threw up. I was horrified.

I have never felt so helpless in my life. The situation could of turned so much worse, but for whatever reason, he left me alone. I was sick for the rest of the day.

The police haven't found him.

To all the women out there, be careful.

Repairs.. why must EVERYTHING need repairs?!?

Lately, everything in my life has seemed to be needing repairs. It is so frustrating!

First, my truck. I have this gigantic cracked windshield that zigs and zags across my view, teasing me while I drive. Oh, and there's that "Check Engine" light that is always on, and the HUGE dent my front bumper when I let a friend borrow my truck so he could move to his new place, while it was snowing... hmm.. where DID that huge $3,000.00 dent come from?!

Then there's my computer! I had to bring my little MacBook into the Apple Store today, and of course, while sitting there moping about my broken computer - I came up with today's blog idea.. REPAIRS!! Meanwhile, my computer, which has a broken built-in camera, the dvd drive stopped working, parts of the laptop have chipped off, and of course, it has become slower then molasses! So... bye bye MacBook, bye bye $280.00 in repairs... hopefully it works 100% when I get it next week!

And of course, my life is in constant need of repair. My credit has gone down the drain and it seems that no matter how much I try to improve it, it stays the same. School keeps getting put on the back burner because I cannot afford it, but I keep trying, keep pushing on, even if its one class.

Lastly, there's my heart. I don't know how to fix this one, but I am trying. I miss people I care about, I care for people who don't exactly care for me, I have a huge family but I am so alone. They don't understand me and don't even try. I am a stranger to them. A stranger who drops everything to help them. They have their own inside jokes, and secret bonds. So there's this broken-hearted girl, a girl who hurts when she forces a smile. A girl who forgets that she used to be happy, a jokester, full of life.

A girl that is me.

WITWW!?!?!

It's Wednesday and that means it's time for my feature, Where In The World Wednesday!

If you participate, please take the button the fabulous Feris made to use in your post!
The idea of WITWW is to post a picture of you in someplace in the world...it doesn't have to be somewhere foreign or tropical. Just a picture of you somewhere that you consider traveling. It might even be somewhere in your own hometown! Feel free to get creative and post where you WISH you could travel, old scanned pictures of vacations from years ago or even feel free to repeat a destination with different photos! Get creative.

So, since I am currently missing my family in Costa Rica, I decided it was going to be my WITWW for this week! Here are some pictures for you to enjoy of my stays in Playa Hermosa, Costa Rica - where my father, step-mother, brother and sister currently reside. I only get to go down there once or twice a year. At the moment, I could definitely use a escape visit to them! 

Surf's up :) 

Top Ten {Tuesdays} I Can't Live Without...

My Top Ten for the week :) Things I Can't Live Without







1. My new bracelet I got while in Mammoth Lakes, CA. I am obsessed with it and wear it everyday! It is a tightly woven black nylon bracelet with a silver peace sign with clear rhinestones by Tai. It is the one on the right side. The brown was cute, but I don't wear enough brown, and the peace sign looks cute when I wear it on my left wrist with my heart tattoo.





2. Pomegranate Exfoliating Face Mask by Murad is absolutely AMAZING! I tried it out for the first time last night and my face was all tingly, happy and soft! It felt like instant hydration! And the tiny little box contains 6 masks! LOVE IT! We sell this handy little package at my work, I hardly get a discount, but $22.50 for 6 amazing masks?! What a steal!



3. Walks in the sand at sunset at the edge of the world, the wind styling my hair, the salt teasing my lips. I love living so close to the water, it is my sanctuary. Even on bad days, I can walk down to the beach and be caressed by the sweet, warm breeze. It is so calming to be standing at the edge of the water, the sand washing back into the sea under my feet. Yes, that picture is one of where I live.. lucky me.

4. My black Rainbow Sandals with clear crystals are a MUST HAVE for me. When I have days where I misplace them, I panic, and search frantically. These are the most comfy sandals and always make my feet look pretty even when I don't have a chance to get a pedicure! I want to get them in every color! I have had these for a couple years now, and they still look brand new!




5. A daily planner is constantly in my purse! If I don't have it with me, I feel lost. If I don't write down ideas, plans, appointments, work schedules, immediately - I completely forget everything! Of course it has to be cute, and pretty. I also have this weird obsession with journals. My mom likes to make fun of me for it. I have tons of pretty journals lined up on my bookshelf, waiting for me to write my heart away in.




6. Burt's Bees Pomegranate Lip Balm and AH! I have, of course, misplaced one of my (several) Burt's Lip Balms at the moment and it is driving me insane! I have this weird obsession with pomegranate as well right now.. But lip balm is my "go to" item when I get nervous or need something to do with my hands... Plus, I hate having chapped lips!




7. My Gaiam aluminum water bottle is another "always in my purse" item. Reusable and extremely durable (as my clumsy hands often drop things), it is handy and good for the environment! Plus, it is pretty to drink out of, so I want to drink more out of it! Goodbye dehydration! Hello water intake! Oh, did I mention, I have basically quit drinking everything but juice, tea and water? No more sodas for me! More Gaiam pretty bottles filled with water!


8. Asics Running Shoes even though it seems that I walk in them more often then run, but they are extremely comfy and mold to my foot with its gel cushioning. Plus, they aren't incredibly pricy and the color blue is my favorite! So I can't go wrong with these! They accompany me on my beach runs every time!

9. My iphone. Yes, I said it... I have to have my phone. It has everything on it! Pictures of my life, family and friends for when I get lonely, music to pump up my moods, fun games to kill boredom, finance trackers to keep me in line, calendars (yes, even though I ALSO have my planner), and of course numbers of people I love. Oh, and my favorite new app "Shazam" which helps me identify cool new songs I hear on the radio :)

10. Sushi!!! Oh I can't imagine a life without sushi! It is hands down my favorite food and if I had the funds, I would eat it everyday! Just thinking about it is making my mouth water... hmm, maybe it will be a sushi night! Right now my favorite is a plate at this hole in the wall place by my house called 9 Style Sushi, and it is albacore sashimi with thinly sliced tomato (I normally don't like those..) and avocado with a tasty sauce on top.. Oooh.. I'm hungry now..


Anyways, there are my Top Ten Things I Can't Live Without...

Happy Tuesday!

Promiscuous Girl

So, my current read is Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity by Kerry Cohen, and I have to say, it is quite a surprising read!

It is about a girl, who at eleven years old realizes her power as a female. She wanted attention, she wanted love, but instead she turned to sex. She begins to head down this long road of late night hook ups with young men. She had become an addict to sex and male attention. She began to falsely believe that men gave meaning to her life. It was enough for her that she had a man, any man, just for the moment, even if that moment was short.

A desperate girl who hands over her body to boys, trying to control them by doing so. A desperate girl who went about everything the wrong way.

A desperate girl who wanted to be loved.


I am only halfway through the book, but it definitely brings a realization to how girls try so desperately to be loved. I know because I have been that girl before. Wanting so bad for someone to care, that it didn't matter who was the one holding me at the end of the day. Of course, I wasn't eleven when that had started. I was 21. I had just broken up with a boyfriend I had just moved in with. He cheated on me. He broke me.

And I lost myself. Part of me feels like I will never heal from that hit. I had a really bad year after that. I joked that I had a boyfriend for each season, however, there were more then that. I am not proud of this. I have never been the promiscuous girl, the flirt, the temptress. I hardly find myself attractive and often catch myself critiquing myself in the mirror. I found myself on the beach one night after doing 2 lines of cocaine, and realized I was lost.

I have been really good since. I have not touched drugs, I have drank alcohol very little, and have only been seeing one guy - when he wants to see me... but that is another story. I'm on this long road of trying to make myself happy, and I often find myself in tears at the most random places. I even had a break down ordering my sister's lunch at Carls Jr drive thru. I am not sure why I have been having these little anxiety attacks, but I am determined to find a way to fix myself. I don't know how long it will take.


Hopefully I will get there.

Ok... its been too long!

I cannot believe a month has gone by and I haven't posted!

I've been so crazy busy with my oh so lovely life... ha..

Well, let me fill you in on some things, I am now working two jobs - Sales and Keyholder at Massage Envy Spa in San Clemente and as Project Administrator at Jones Concrete, along with taking online classes at *ugh* Saddleback College... I am ashamed that I am there, but what can I do?

My current situation sucks. I am bitter and sad more often then not. I have resorted to pumpkin bread chocolate chip cookies (even more delicious than you can imagine) and key lime pie sorbets... but I am running 3-4 times a week, lucky for my jeans! Speaking of which, I have started seeing a nutritionist because I want to be a healthier eater. No more frozen foods, processed foods, etc, yet here I am dreaming about tasty cookies and ice creams, and oh, I just ate some chocolate licorice. When I look at my "food diary" I literally want to smack myself across the face, because my nutritionist - who I have a meeting with tomorrow - she is going to want to choke me!

Since I have no idea if my family is going to pull through for my last semester at CSU, I have been looking for places to stay for the meantime. No more staying in mom's sunroom! I just can't take living at home anymore. Its not like I have boys over, ever. Or even do anything outside of work and school for that matter, but when I come home to my mother's and hide away in the sunroom, it is not nearly the sanctuary I seek after a long day working.

So, my friends Melissa, Sam and I put in an application last Friday on a 3 bedroom duplex with an ocean view and a stones throw to the beach. We should hear back early this week, and I can't decide if I am happy or sad about it. Happy to be moving out, sure, but sad that I don't know what I am going to be doing by August - when school starts. To be honest, I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore, I don't think I ever really did.

I have really been slacking on some of my goals as well, I haven't been writing, and like I had said, I have two books in progress and a third in my mind. I haven't been learning any new languages, or learning to play the guitar like I want. But the one consistent goal I seem to have is travel. I have travelled a lot this year. Costa Rica in January, Italy in February and several Mammoth trips to visit a friend.

Trips I have for the summer include: Vegas in June for my best friend, Jessica's bachelorette party! Mexico - where I have NEVER been - in July with my friends Robert and Anton, and several of their buddies. Costa Rica, again, in August for my father's big "1980's High School Reunion" week of surfing, live bands and a bunch of fun.

Circus Freak :)

So after a fun day at work at Massage Envy undergoing more and more training (product training with Murad Skincare)  and working on my sales pitch, I learned a few things.. 1. OMG... Some of these Murad lines are for ages 23-35 and are focused on ANTI-AGING!!! Minor freakout as I realize I am getting older and apparently need to think about anti aging face care?!? whoaaa. 2. When people say that a face product is Organic... it isn't. It only needs a small percentage to be organic. 3. Ok, so after listening and testing products for the past 3 hours, I want to get a facial! haha... good thing I work at a spa.

Anyways, the fun stuff...

I signed my sister Tania, my mom and I up for an Aerial Dance class on Wednesday nights from 730-930pm. Aerial dance is kind of what you see in Cirque de Soleil with the girls in the hoops or on the silks doing all the cool things that make you wonder how the HECK they can possibly let themselves unravel from the long, suspending silk, and catch themselves in these incredible overly-stretched poses!!

Really, really cool.

So of course, me being the dare devil that I am, the gymnast and cheerleader in me decided that I absolutely just HAD to do this. I am glad I did! It was so much fun! We learned some neat moves on the hoops, hammock(which you see me on) and the tissu(or silks).

I had a hard time on the tissu due to my lack of shoulder.. and in fact, I really need a massage.. *cough* thankfully I work at a massage spa*cough*

The time is now... Go learn something new you guys.. Life is too short and you have to have fun with it.

xoxo

Job Hunt

I had an interview Friday at a cute clothing store a few streets over from my house called "Heavenly Couture" and honestly, the sales girls are all like 15 and incredibly immature. I cannot tell you HOW MANY TIMES while I was waiting for my interview did I hear the phrases, "Uhm, who works here?" or "I need a fitting room, where is the girl?" or "Uh, where's the sales girls, I'm ready to check out.." or this was my favorite.. "Really, I have been waiting up here to check out for 15 minutes, I'm about ready to just walk out and forget it."

Coming from a prior clothing sales girl - THAT is UNACCEPTABLE!!!!  Ugh. And meantime they are all giggling and gossiping in the back of the store.

But I had an interview Saturday with Massage Envy in San Clemente. After a brief chat with the owners and managers, they hired me on the spot! The cool thing is, that I can transfer to a Massage Envy in Colorado! They said my training would start either Tuesday or Wednesday and they would email me to let me know.

So... as I had plans already to head up to Mammoth to see a certain boy.. I decided to continue with my trip. I hadn't seen him since before I left for Italy. Unfortunately, my trip was cut short, as they decided they needed me on Monday, but the trip was worth it - he always is.

I left him at 8pm and was asleep by 1am. My first day of training started at 10! I was pretty tired, but I made it through the day, and I love my new job!

Blood Drive and Bone Marrow Registry

Volunteering at the blood drive was really fun today! After a quick training in the parking lot with the handbook on the hood of the car (yes.. this is really how she trained me.. not a typical situation..) I was tossed into the cantine - which is the refreshment area where we have the recovering donors sit and drink juice or water and eat some yummy snacks - while I watch them for signs of fainting or reactions. I volunteered from 9am to 3pm in the cantine, and Tania at the registration. It was really fun and some of the donors were really chatty and hilarious. This drive was held at a business center and the majority of people were donating on their breaks.

Very cool if you ask me.

Several times I was asked if I had ever donated blood, and no I haven't. I cannot donate because of my frequent visits to Costa Rica, donors have to have not travelled to Costa Rica within a year. I have always had a minor fear of blood donation, hearing the horror stories of people fainting or blood squirting or the cruel phlebotomy techs that poke you until you can't move your arm from being badly bruised. But I didn't experience any of that. The techs were all very nice and gentle with their donors, and I didn't have anyone fainting on me! So that was very good!

I did do something special today though.. I joined the National Bone Marrow Donor Program. For those who don't know what that is, here are some educational points:

• To be on the registry- you must be between 18 and 60 - meeting health guidelines of course
• Volunteers should be committed to helping any patient
• If you decide to register - you will remain on it until you are 61
• The process is easy - fill out the forms and take the swab packet they provide and swab your cheek cells - See... no pain to register. 
• Doctors search the registry to find a donor whose tissue type matches their patients. If you are chosen, your donor center will contact you. If you agree, more testing will be scheduled.
• Next step is to attend an information session with the staff of your donor center when you are a match and review the donation process, risks and side effects.
• There are two ways they can choose from to collect the blood forming cells - either from the marrow or from the circulating blood (aka PBSC donation).
• Here is where you decide to donate or not.
• Receive a physical exam.

Now if it is a Marrow Donation:

• Marrow Donation is a surgical procedure
• While you are under anesthesia, doctors use special hollow needles to withdraw liquid marrow from the back of the pelvis bone. 
• Some marrow donors receive a transfusion of their own previously donated blood.
• Some side effects: Soreness in the lower back for a few days or longer. Most donors are back to their normal routine in a few days.
• Did you know, your marrow is completely replaced/regenerated within four to six weeks?!
• And of course, a follow up.

And if it is a PBSC Donation:

• PBSC donation takes place at an apheresis center. 
• To increase the number of blood-forming cells in the bloodstream, donors receive daily injections of filgrastim for 5 days prior to collection. 
• Blood is then removed through a needle in one arm and passed through a machine that separates out the blood-forming cells. The remaining blood is returned back to your body in the other arm.
• Side effects: possible headache, bone or muscle aches prior to collection - a side effect from the filgrastim which increases the number of blood-forming cells. The effects disappear shortly after collection.
• Once again, a follow up. 

The National Marrow Donor Program helps people who need a life-saving marrow or blood cell transplant. They connect patients, doctors, donors and researchers to the resources they need to help more people live longer and healthier lives.

What a great thing to do for humanity. I even sported my awesome sticker all day.

For more info:

www.BeTheMatch.org

Aerials and Errands...

Today was filled with dropping off applications, picking up kids from school and random errands for my family. My sister Tania called and offered to treat me to a mani and pedi if I would pick her up and bring her to our favorite nail salon in San Juan Capistrano. So of course, I was most obliging..

Now that my fingers and toes are happy in a spring-inspired lavender, I ran over to Marshalls to pick up a few clothing boxes for my mom, and found the cutest skirt! Had to have it! Plus it matched my fresh, shiny new paint job.

The skirt is similar to this, but instead of the orange it had green and purple splattered flowers... Very cute :) Definitely going to be sporting this sweet and spicy number tomorrow!

Good thing it has been nice and warm lately! My pale limbs are crying for some sunshine! Whip out the SPF 50!

Oh, tomorrow, I haven't told you yet! I am volunteering at my first blood drive in Fashion Island!

After driving my sister Tania to some of her blood drives and hearing how much she actually enjoys it - she has to do so many community service hours because of a DUI... but she said it was something she wants to continue to do even after her required hours were up. So, me (unemployed and bored out of my mind) with my nurturing nature, decided to sign up and volunteer. I am actually pretty excited about this! It is for 6 hours, so it is a whole day, but we are allowed to bring a book or magazines to look through during the down time, which is great especially since Jane Eyre and I haven't been keeping very good contact the last couple days..

I have been wanting to take dance classes for months now.. finally I found a place that had great prices AND offered a class I didn't even think about taking! Aerial Dance! It is what you see the Cirque du Soleil girls do on the suspending hoops and silk ropes. Needless to say- I am sold! I signed up and I have my first class on Wednesday! I can't wait!

Silks here I come!


This will be me :)



Is Wednesday here yet...?

HOLY CRAP ITS MARCH?!?!

WHOA!! Where did the time go? I cannot believe it is already March. Well.. I better start working harder on my New Year's Resolutions.. Well I have been a little bit..

Lets recap those goals..

1. Travel - Enjoy the world
2. Write - Express to remember, forget and learn
3. Speak - Learn a new language
4. Play - Pick up a guitar
5. Learn - Finish College

Yes, it is already March and I have visited 2 countries, Costa Rica and Italy. So I have been faithful to Goal 1. It is early in the year, maybe I will have more traveling. I know I will be moving back to Colorado and going to Las Vegas for a weekend for my best friend's bachelorette party! So that is some travel...

I have been writing on a regular basis. I write here in my blog, in my pretty pink journal, and I am trying to work on two very different books. Goal 2: We are doing well :)

Speak... yikes this is a hard one for me, but I have been learning some Italian. Some days it is slow, others it comes easy. I can understand a lot more than I can respond! So Goal 3 - we have some work to do..

Now, Goals 4 and 5 - I have not even touched yet. I have thought about them, but haven't exactly done anything about it yet. Time to get crackin!

Hopefully I will have an idea about Goal 5 by the end of March. Hey, thats my March goal! Haha..

Wasted Time with Jane Eyre and Housework

Waking up at 5:30 am with absolutely nothing to do for the day is really beginning to drive me crazy. I'm only on day 5 of being home in the states...

I spent my day with Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, imagining my life elsewhere. I did 7 loads of laundry for my mom - helping her catch up - she has been really busy and isn't quite moved in to the new place so I also cleaned the kitchen and all the floors in the house. I also made my first pot roast - and I think I did pretty good! Bored, you ask? Yes.

I am ready to get out, move on, start my life over. But you never can start your life over, you can change your life any day you want. It is just hard taking that first step, wondering if it will be the right one, if you will regret it later.

For some reason, any time I make plans, they fail. I don't know what it is. I must be making the wrong plans, but everything has to work out for the best. Doesn't it?! I hope so.

So, I am planning on moving back to Colorado, find a job, a place to live and finish school. Hopefully this plan works! I only have 22 credits left to finish.. However, it is much harder then it sounds. I owe the school $10,000, and have no means of paying for school in the fall. My family is trying to find a way to help me out, but I don't know if it will happen. Either way, I am not happy here in California. Not right now at least. I love the city I live in, and how I'm just right here at the beach, but I don't have friends here. All the girls I grew up with, have moved away, gone into drugs or become pregnant. Hmm.. Doesn't sound like the greatest choices I have to pick from.

So instead, I am with my family. I hang out with my sisters - which is okay, but I can't go out dancing or grab drinks with them. I have my mom, who I love, but she is currently dating and moving on with her life. That leaves me here, at home, wishing I was elsewhere.

I am sick of being here and wasting away my life.

What To Do...

So, here I am, sitting on my couch back in the United States after my internship in Italy failed. What a disappointment! I was supposed to be there for 6 months, working and exploring Italy on my days off. However, nothing ever works how it is supposed to when it comes to my life. It's true. The story of my life - ups and downs of my dreams and their failures.

Don't get me wrong, my week in Italy was amazing until I learned that my internship was not what it was supposed to be! I explored Rome, Siena, Naples, Pompeii and Sorrento in that short time and really covered a lot of ground!

The past two days that I have been home have been insane! There was a hand grenade dropped on the I-5 freeway in my hometown of San Clemente, CA and yesterday the earthquake in Chile had created a Tsunami Advisory for my town! Something tells me that I am not supposed to be here. As much as I love this quaint beach town, I am needing change. I am ready to move back to Colorado and finish my last semester in school, graduate and hopefully find a decent job.

I haven't been able to drag myself out of the house after having such a huge let down in Italy. I went to dinner last night with my mom and my sister Caila at 9 Style Sushi which is just up the street from my mother's house - oh, did I mention, I am now without a place to live or a job since I gave up everything for my Italy internship? And today, it was hard to force myself to get up and shower. It is rather pathetic I know, but I was so excited for this. I thought living and working in Italy was going to change my life.

Like I said before, I'm looking for change...

Shouldn't Care..

So, let me tell you a little story about my last relationship. I dated this guy, for a good 10 months officially and we had decided to move in together. Lets call him T. Well I trusted T with my whole life. I thought that I loved him and I have a hard time trusting people, and after awhile, I began to let myself trust him.

WHAT A MISTAKE!

T and I went to a friends for a party. This was a good friend of both of ours, and I had no reason for concern about leaving him there, drunk. I had an event at school the next morning that I had to work, and it was a huge event for me, very important, and at 5 am... So I left him there, which I had done so many times - because I TRUSTED him. But before I left, in came this girl, and immediately I had a bad feeling. I warned him about her, saying she keeps trying to come on to him (which she was!) and to be careful around her. He said I was paranoid. I said I was right.

Not only was I right about her, I was wrong about him.

Later, I found out this was one of the many girls he cheated on me with. It broke me. I went down a long road of bad decisions for awhile after. But one of the girls in particular, who in the beginning I had a bad feeling about as well - lets call her H - was a big part in our fights at times. I knew that they had a history, and I knew that in the beginning of him and I, that T and H had hooked up several times.

Uhm.. HELLO?! Is anyone in there?! DUH! That should of been a big warning sign right there...

But that was when we weren't "officially dating" and that was his argument. So I dealt with it.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Well, one year after our break up. T and H are "officially" dating. Talk about a stab in the heart.

I know I shouldn't care, I know I am happier and better off without him, however, it is still hurtful to find out that of the many girls T had cheated on me with, that he got with the only one I actually knew about to begin with and felt threatened by - H. Makes me wonder how many times he actually cheated on me with her, when we were together. Makes me wonder why he kept me around if he wanted to cheat on me with her.

Anyways, here I am, single and 22 years old, trying to not let it get to me. I think I have lost all faith in love, trust, honesty, and men. Right now I am crazy about this one guy, but I can't figure out what the deal is. He wants me to see him, he says he misses me, misses my kisses and laying with me relaxing. But then he will go days without talking to me. The unfortunate thing about this is we are not exactly in a close proximity to each other. He doesn't do long distance, and neither do I. However, I would try it for him.

I think I'm wasting my heart again. I hope I'm wrong. I want to be wrong.

Last Day - Pompeii and Sorrento

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

We wake up early, around 5:30am and start to get ready for our daytrip to Pompeii. We were out the door and on the bus to the train station at 7 and arrived in Pompeii about 8 or so, and after stopping at a quick bar for a cappuccino and american coffee for Jewdee. We walked about 2 minutes down the street and Voila! we were the first ones in, so we quickly buy our tickets, stow our luggage and begin to explore the ancient lost city.

The ruins were absolutely amazing and breathtaking. I was really happy we had a chance to see it. After, we jumped on the train to Sorrento and discovered it wasn't possible to visit the Almalfi Coast before we needed to try and return to Rome.

So we wandered the streets of Sorrento and found ourselves overlooking the sea. This is by far my absolute favorite place I have seen yet in Italy. I absolutely love the Italian beach town and how quiet and quaint it is in comparison to Rome. We make our way into a ceramics shop and admire the pottery. I begin to feel really light headed and dizzy, but I picked out a pretty wine stopper and olive oil spout and we set off to find some lunch.  We stopped at a little outdoor restaurant and had burgers, fries and cokes. I think my dizziness that I have been experiencing throughout my trip is probably due to the lack of meat in all my meals. The waiter laughs at us, silly Americans... Oh well! When we finished I managed to trip myself down the stairs and the waiter begins laughing and exclaims, "TOO much COCA-COLA!!!" It left me laughing the whole day.

We jumped back on the train to Rome and Giorgio picked us up to get our remaining luggage at his grandmother's apartment. We did some souvenir shopping for our families and then said our goodbyes to Francesca and Sergio as we rushed out of Rome to our hotel at the airport. Stopping along the way for Mexican food for dinner and crepes for desert. Nutella crepes! Yum! I couldn't help but laugh at us, how funny that we had American, Italian, Mexican and French food all in one day!

We leave for New York in the morning. A very sad reality strikes me as I understand my adventure is prematurely over.

Adventure to Napoli :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

This morning, I wake up to a wild lion's mess of hair. I did not sleep well apparently! Jewdee and I began getting ready for the day, I had my croissant with nutella and we waited for Giorgio to pick us up and take us to the beach house they owned. Meanwhile, I suggested a daytrip to Naples and Pompeii and Jewdee agrees! Lets get out of Rome.

After Giorgio had woken up late and we informed him of our plans, we cancelled our trip to the beach house and ventured out on the Frecciarossa train - which is the fastest one they have - to Napoli, where we took a taxi to our hotel, the "Renaissance" by Marriott. The hotel was really nice, and we quickly dropped off our luggage upstairs in our room and ventured our way onto the streets of Napoli to grab a late lunch of margherita pizza and coke. We sat on a bench happily munching our large slice of thick-crusted pizza, enjoying the sights and people around us.

We were picked up at our hotel for a 3-hour private tour of Naples and almost immediately I decided I enjoyed Naples 10 times more then Rome. I got to see the west coast of Italia for the first time and it was beautiful! We saw the views of the castle and the coastline. I really began to appreciate Southern Italy. To the left is the Castel Nuovo.

Below is the Castel dell'Ovo which was converted into a fortress  in 1154.

We were dropped off at a restaurant called "Antonio's Restaurant" and I ordered baked white fish with potatoes and Jewdee had the beef filet with potatoes. My dish was buttery and melted creamily in my mouth, and the potatoes tasted of wonderful garlic and rosemary. Jewdee ended up having two steaks since the first was undercooked, and I had some of it, also being delicious. I don't remember the name of the desert, I think it started with a "s" or a "z" but it was yummy, with a lemon custard-like frosing on top of a light, airy, delicate pastry cake. Tomorrow, we will visit Pompeii, and hopefully Sorrento and the Almafi coastline, but we may not have enough time. I can't wait!!!

Below is the view over the north west region of Naples...